


sweetheart grip

by liquidbutterflies (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: ....kinda, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Heartbreak, M/M, Unhappy Ending, look i don't know what i'm doing, mostly crying, this is basically what i thought ca:tfa would be like if bucky was in love with steve or whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 16:10:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6159218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/liquidbutterflies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve’s never had good timing. The 3 heartbreaks of World War II.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sweetheart grip

_Bucky Barnes._

It’s unnaturally settling, to hear the silence of only soft whispers and feet and not pain-filled screams in the army camp. Bucky curls inwards in the cot, the scratchy blanket itching against his skin. Every time he lies down he expects the leather straps to tie his ankles down and a needle to lick fire into his veins, still under the hands of the HYDRA camp and just waiting for his body to be added to the masses of other corpses. 

“Buck?” Steve mumbles, half-asleep in the bed next to him, nearly giving Bucky a heart attack. 

He breathes in and out before replying with a soft “Yeah?”

“You alright?”

“Yeah.” He knows Steve knows he’s lying, but he also knows Steve won’t call him out for it. Sighing, he turns over to face the ceiling. 

Coming back wasn’t so bad. Obviously it’s better than being strapped down and experimented on by Nazis and screaming until his throat dies out, but Steve…

He’s huge now. Fit with muscles and height and a body to match the personality inside. A costume, too, to wear on the covers of every newspaper or poster, and a heroic name to slap on under it. 

Bucky hates it. 

Steve shift in his cot, awake but unsure of what to say. Bucky smiles to himself, glad they haven’t taken away that part of Steve yet.

“So.” Bucky starts. “Agent Carter, huh?” 

“Mmm.” Steve hums, failing to be inconspicuously casual. Bucky almost rolls his eyes. 

“You thinking of asking her to dance when this is all over?”

There’s a small pause and Bucky can almost feel the happiness radiate off of him. “If she’ll have me.”

He snorts. “Of course she will. You seen the way she looks at you?” Because he sure as hell sees it: the way her eyes soften every time Steve walks into the room, all high and mighty; the way she kisses his cheek with her lipstick-covered grin that makes Bucky fume with jealousy because she didn’t take care of this punk back when he nearly died of flu in 1928 and she didn’t know how his chest would curl up with asthma and how you had to hit him in the back while propping him up against the wall and count to ten alongside each other to steady his breathing and she didn’t have to worry every night of the winter that he’s burning up the sheets and might not wake up again and - 

“I don’t know,” Steve murmurs, interrupting his train of thought. “I wouldn’t go to you for advice.”

Bucky lets himself have the small smile. “Punk,” he shoots back. 

“Jerk.”

 

That was a week ago.

 

~  
_Steve Rogers._

Ash settles around the crumble of broken chair legs and torn chairs: the bombed ghost of a pub. He can imagine the dead echoes of lost soldiers in crisp uniforms, arm in arm as music dances around the room, bartender laughing as he fills a mug. Bucky, sitting at a table with the others, smiling and alive and -

Steve cradles a drink between his hands, gripping it tightly enough to turn his knuckles white. 

He knows he could shatter the bottle in his grasp if he wanted to. God, he even wishes he would: crush the glass until his fingers bleed, then slip them down his throat to slit open the innards of his heart. He doesn't want to feel this anymore.

Steve’s aware of Peggy’s presence against the burnt-down doorframe, staring at him with a mix of pity, guilt, and confusion on what to do. Breathing in and out, he looks up to her with red-ridden eyes. He can’t cry in front of her; he has the majestic, patriotic leader appearance he had to keep up. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispers after a long period of silence, bringing up one of the more intact stools to place upwards. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Did you read the report?” He questions, trying to stop his hand from shaking. 

“...Yes.”

“Then you know that’s not true.” 

“Steve…” 

“I held him for granted. He was always there, and I couldn’t even bring to imagine if he weren’t. But now…” His voice trails, sniffing. “Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky.”

Smiling softly, she reaches forward. “If Barnes were here, he’d punch you in the face for wallowing in guilt.”

“I know,” he mumbles, choking on another sob. “I know.”

They sit there, surrounded by hanging dust and unsettling silence. Steve sees the ghost of Bucky leaning against the bar, smiling into his drink, an arm slung over his shoulder. Something carves into his chest to leave an empty, hollow feeling behind. 

Steve swallows the lump in his throat. “I’m not going to stop until all of HYDRA is dead or captured,” he promises. 

 

Then he’ll see Bucky again. 

 

~  
_Peggy Carter._

“I gotta put her in the water.”

Peggy clutches the microphone communicator. “Please,” she begs, voice breaking. “Don’t do this. Give me your coordinates, we can find you a landing site, or - or you can jump out the back, we’ll find yo-” 

“Peg,” Steve interrupts. “Peg. It’s...I can’t. The plane, it’s on a one-track path to New York and if I don’t set it down, a lot of people are going to die.” 

“Steve….” She takes a deep breath, hearing his unspoken words. “Steve, we both know that’s not why you’re doing this.”

Silence. “Peggy...I…”

She knows. Oh god, she knew this whole time, even if a small part of her clung to a flicker of hope that maybe she and Steve could make it out. But she knew Barnes and Steve’s souls were magnetised to each other, strung together with hot-red wire, and if one fell the other wouldn't take too long to follow.

There’s a long buzz of electrical static to the point where Peggy worries he’s already crashed. She breathes in and out, fingers clutching the fabric of her skirt, but Steve speaks up after a minute. 

“I’m sorry we never got that dance,” he murmurs. 

Peggy sighs. “Say hi to Barnes for me, won’t you?”

“Of course.” She can almost hear the soft smile in his voice. 

 

Once the loud crack of glass and a rush of water reaches the receiver before cutting off into a muted electric buzzing, she lets her breathing catch and her eyes sew shut with tears.

**Author's Note:**

> DON'T WORRY IN THE END PEGGY MARRIES ANGIE AND STEVE FINDS BUCKY AND MARRIES HIM SO IT'S ALL OKAY
> 
> [find me crying over steve n bucky](http://captainbcrnes.tumblr.com/)


End file.
